look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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