I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
