Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
