My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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