I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
