where am i from again
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
