What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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