She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize