where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
