The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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