Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
