i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
