She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
