I need to stop coming to work sober
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
