Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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