I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
