I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
