he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
