so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
