We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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