I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
