I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
