Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
