also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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