I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
