uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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