Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
