she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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