mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think your dad took our porno
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
