I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
