those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
