No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
