They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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