question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
