Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
