Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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