Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
