Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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