Do you still have your period?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
