How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
