3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
