My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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