Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
