another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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