I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
