Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
