sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize