swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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