Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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