we're blogging at a bar
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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