we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
