I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
