I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
