Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
And then my night got REAL pukey
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
