Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I skipped work to stalk him.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
