I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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