Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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