Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
