Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
