apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize