we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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