so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
