Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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