I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
What a dumb baby whore.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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