Welp...herpes.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize