Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
