Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Everything about him screamed your future.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
